'Shoe Diva' is Totally a DNA Trait

My niece Gee is 3 and she's obsessed with 'The Princesses'.

Not just any princesses, The Dis-ney, Princesses.  There's a difference.

Last Sunday she was all decked out in her pink Easter dress with her crazy pink ladybug tights and her pink and white sneakers and my SIL comes out with...

SIL: So, we went shoe shopping.  Me and Gee. She needed play shoes.

Me: Did you find anything cute?

Gee: Prinnncesss shoes.

SIL: We found Princess sneakers at PayLess.  $19, how could you go wrong, right?

Me: I'm sensing there's a but.

SIL: Yeah. She won't wear them outside.

Me: ....?

SIL: They might get dirty.

Me: The sneakers?

SIL: The Princesses.

Me: Bahahahahaa.

SIL: She'll wear the $50 Stride Rite, school sneakers outside but not the cheapo princess shoes!

I'm totally buying her a pair of Lelli Kelly's for the first day of Kindergarten.

I'm Gonna Need One of Those 'World is Ending' Signs

As an update to yesterday's blurb...

OMG! It's so nice out. You watch it'll snow tomorrow...
Yeah.  We had HAIL last night.

HAIL!

As in, balls of ice, hitting the side of the house at 2:30am.  If my minivan wasn't already an eyesore I'm sure I would see damage.
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When I got home from work yesterday the Littlest Kid asked for 'Ya know, that juice you made'.

Me: The juice from the juicer?

LK: Yeah.

Me: With the pineapple and the strawberries?

LK: Yeah.

Me: Um, ok.

I know that you are not seeing the apocalyptic nature of this conversation but this is the kid that wouldn't put a piece a fruit into his mouth unless there was something important on the line.  Like, say, having ice cream after dinner.
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I know these things come in threes but really I'm just waiting for the four horsemen to come barreling down my street.

OMG! Could it be any nicer out?! It's gonna snow tomorrow, you watch.

45 min on treadmill in attempt to combat the HOLY CRAP amount of food eaten yesterday. Italians only count every other calorie.

Things I'm Confident About

Item #1: My kid will NEVER runaway.  It would be pointless; I could follow the trail of forgotten crap.

Item: #2: There will ALWAYS be a trail of crap.

Sunday morning...
Me: I'm dropping you off at 10:30am. Why are you wearing your baseball pants now?  Your game isn't until 1 o'clock.

*Changes into shorts.*
...
...
...
We're getting ready to leave the house...
Me: Do you have all your stuff?
Kid: Yup.
Me: Phone, iPod?
Kid: Yeeesss.
Me: Chargers, homework, glasses?
Kid: Yes, WOMAN, I have everything I need.

Sunday night phone call from his father...
Him: *sigh* Can you drop off his baseball pants? He left them on his bed.
Me: *bangs head on kitchen counter*
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Monday...I drop off his baseball pants.
Me: Do. You. Have. Everything. You. Need?
Kid: Yeeeessssss.

Wednesday morning phone call from Kid...
Kid: Ma?
Me: Yeah. (cuz I know right were this is going)
Kid: Can you bring my baseball belt to the game tonight?  It's in my closet.
Me: *bangs head on counter* again

See what I mean?  It would be pointless.

Nerd Lovers Unite!

This is for all you super nerds out there.  You know, the people like me.

Last Christmas The Kid bought me Season 1 of The Big Bang Theory and since then we have gone on to  purchase Seasons 2 and 3.  The boys have watched them endlessly and laugh every time.

Did I mention I *heart* the two of them?

In one episode Sheldon and Leonard explain the Principle of Schrodinger's Cat, this is basically a paradox, is the cat in the box dead, alive or both.  How would you know if you haven't looked in the box?  Paradox, see?

Anywho, the BF has become obsessed with the show Numb3rs, the other night he has the tv on and the math-dude is explaining this very paradox when...

The Littlest Kid yells from the kitchen island: Hey! He talkin' about Schrodinger's Cat!

The BF: *gives me an exasperated look as if to say this is my fault*

Me: What?! He's right.

The BF: *sigh*

I totally love it when my geekdom rubs off on other people.

I'm investing in a Nanny-Cam

My house is approximately 1400 sq. ft.

My living room, dining room, and kitchen, about 700 sq. ft.

Do you know how far 1 dog and 1 cat can spread 1 roll of Charmin Ultra?
...
...
...
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About 700 sq. ft.


In case you've forgotten we've already had a toilet paper incident?

The Ayes Have It

About a month ago we called a Family Meeting in order to determine what we were going to do on our July vacation.  When your kids get older you'll discover that if you let them have some hand in your vacation planning, everything will go much smoother.

Because we got such fabulous deals on airfare and our condo rental for July we're going to go to Orlando/Disney for two weeks. *squee*

We mulled around the idea of getting Annual Passes to Disney.  I already have one and the benefits are awesome but we weren't sure if it would be cost effective to get them for everyone.

We then threw out Sea World, Aquatica, Busch Gardens, Discovery Cove, Cocoa Beach, The Kennedy Space Center and basically just sitting by the pool on our butts.

After much debate, number crunching - including graphs, charts, visual aids, and exhaustive internet searches we decided on Discovery Cove, which includes 14 free days at Aquatica, and 10-day Park Hopper Passes to Disney.

The kids really wanted to swim with the dolpins, the BF and I have already been to Discovery Cove and done the dolphin swim so we just purchased the day package for us. 

Even though it's crazy expensive for that one day it'll be our one big splurge for the year.

After our last adventure to Disney the kids have mapped out their favorite rides and restaurants and we'll be taking full advantage of the fact that no one will have any homework.

The vacation countdown clock has begun...

Mommies

I don't consider myself to be Mommy-blogger, not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just that I was never a mommy.  Oh, don't get me wrong I've got the off spring, it's just that he never called me mommy.

It was always some form of mom.

Currently at 14 (him not me) I'm, ma.  Pronounced something like a baying sheep; maah. Somedays he mixes it up with mom but it's mostly mmmaaaaahhhhh.

I wondered were this came from until I realized that that's what I call my own mother, I guess it's all in what you hear.

So for any of you out there that aspire to be a mommy blogger, or just mommies in general I have a few pearls of wisdom.

These are just a few things that you'll need once the cute, cuddly 'mommy' phase has worn off and suddenly you're just mom.

Repeat after me:

- I JUST washed that.

- The dog is not a trash can.

- Put your clothes away.

- Put your clothes away - in the closet.

- Just put your clothes away.

- Take a shower.

- No, really, I mean it.

- Yes, I was talking to you.

- Yes.  The whole time.

Practice, practice, practice ladies...don't say I didn't warn you.

Men are Soooo Predictable

Boss: I went in your desk yesterday.  You weren't here and I just wanted you to know.

Me: Did you need a tampon?

Boss: What?! Gah! No....NO!....I needed that book you have and you weren't here.

Me: *Laughing for the rest of the morning*

My Two Cents...Scratch that, I'll give you the whole dollar.

Parent Service Announcement:  If your kid does not show any interest in playing a sport, please do not sign them up and force them to do it.  It makes them miserable and horribly self conscious.  This is not tough love or good parenting, it's you being a controlling asshat who can't take the time to get to know what your kid really likes.

Also, if you go ahead and decide that you're going to be an ass and make them play the game anyway...please, please, PLEASE buy them the right equipment, because if you think the other kids won't notice...you'd be WRONG!

Trust me.  It doesn't have to be expensive stuff, just the right stuff.   When The Kid decided two years ago he wanted to play baseball I was skeptical, he had a $35 pair of cleats and a $10 pair of b-ball pants. 

Case in point...After last night's baseball practice

Me: How was practice?

Kid: Good.

Me: I saw some new kids.

Kid: Yeah, there's a few new people.

Me: Is the kid wearing jeans on your team?

Kid: Ugh! Yes, he's worn jeans to EVERY practice, even though we're not supposed to, and today he had on tap shoes.

Me: Um, tap shoes? No cleats?

Kid: Tap. Shoes.  They were black patent leather and lime green sneaker-like things and they looked just like tap shoes. 

Me: You didn't say that to him did you?

Kid: NO, but people were talking.

Me: Don't be part of the people.

Kid: I'm NOT, but mom I don't think he's ever played before and he doesn't seem to like it very much.

Me: *sigh (I hate asshole parents)* Try and help him out. Being the new kid is tough. You're older now it's time to set an example.

Kid: I will, but mom, he can't keep wearing those tap shoes to practice; he's going to break an ankle and, well, you know...the guys...they talk.

Me: Yeah I know, just do your best.

I saw this kid get into the car to go home with his mother last night and he just looked miserable.  I'm finding it hard to believe that he came home and lobbied over the dinner table that this was all he wanted to do this spring.

I'm crossing my fingers that the season gets better for him.

Random Kid Convo of the Week

Lock front door this morning.

Leave cell phone on kitchen counter.

Unlock door.  Get cell phone but leave purse on counter.

Lock door.

Get in car, realize don't have purse.

Unlock door, get purse.

Get back in car.

The Kid: It's a good thing you don't have to work today.

Me: No shit, I probably wouldn't be able to find it.

Kid: I'm more afraid you'll hurt yourself.

Me: *dirty look*

Kid: You remember how to get to school right?

Smart ass.

Hints?

The mirror in our bathroom is about 5 feet long and 4 feet high, so it's pretty good sized.

Last night after the Littlest Kid got out of the shower I found the following fog written message covering two-thirds of the mirror...

I *heart* FUDGE POPS!

Do you think he's trying to tell me something?

Sharing. or alternate title: Holy Crap I can wear a Small!

This July we're making our annual pilgrimage to Disney. 

For TWO WEEKS!

Yes, I know it will be a million degrees in the shade but I just don't think I can handle three kids out of school again.  We went last October during school and we had more text books in the back of the van than clothing. 

For this trip I managed to score some fairly cheap airfare so we'll have to be a smidge more clever with our packing since we plan to carry on our luggage.

Based on a weather forecast of 600 degrees everyday with 82% humidity, the Chica and I decided we were going to go the dress route and share what we packed. 

On a recent trip to Old Navy we discovered that we can both wear the same size.  SMALL.  I can't remember the last I was a small in anything other than shoes.

Can you say BONUS! 

These are the four dresses and two rompers we came home with:

This one was a big fat NO from both of us! The picture is deceiving, the top is like a vice and the bottom fits like a circus tent.

Now all I have to do is figure out which flip flops I'm going to pack!

Dog Licks Cure Everything and Whisker Kisses Are the Best

Normally, I'm not a bleeding heart...for anything, I'd rather slap some sarcasm on it and call it a day, but today I'm going to throw caution to the wind and hope it doesn't get stuck to my rear window.

Dakin Pioneer Valley Humane Society in Springfield, MA is competing in the ASPCA $100K Challenge, I personally know the Director for Community & Media Relations for the shelter and you won't find a more passionate person when it comes animals.

Help me out and spread a little animal love.  They need to be in the top 20 in order to be eligible to compete.  When I voted yesterday they were in the #5 spot.

Click here to vote.  (Make sure you select MA - Dakin Pioneer Valley Humane Society from the list)

If you need me I'll be at the ballfield...for the rest of my life!

Insanity Season has begun in Frannieland, translation: Baseball is about to go into full swing.

The Kid had try-outs Sunday afternoon and the Littlest Kid had his first scrimmage Sunday morning.  The Boyfriend and I have planned a family vacation for July, because that is conservatively the next time we will see each other. 

Other than at the ballfield.

Nothing says I love you to your son like a sunburn from a 6 hour double-header on a Saturday.  I'm speaking from experience.

The Kid tried out for 2nd and 3rd base, his father is the head coach this year so that should make for some fantastical arguments because we all know when you're 14 going on 35, you know ev-er-ry-thing!

I can hardly wait for the first practice.

In related news, Operation Million Dollar Smile is going well.  The Kid has decided he is going to take full advantage of ALL the elastic colors available to him.  Currently we're sporting gold and black, alternating.  He is considering pink and lime green for Easter. Oh god, please no.

In an effort to protect the Million Dollar Smile investment, the Kid's father and I have been trying to talk him into wearing a mouth guard when he catches.  In addition to the face mask.

It's not going well.  He basically told us he doesn't need a 'cup' for his teeth.

I'm pretty sure this single act of defiance should guarantee that THIS is the year he gets smashed in the face with a baseball.