This one comes from the parent vault. Anyone who has ever had their kid express (loudly) the entire process of how babies are made in the grocery check out line can relate to my Totally Awkward Moment.
It was a gorgeous day so my now ex and I decided we would take the kid to the zoo. There's a really nice one about 45 minutes from where we lived. My son was probably 4 years old, small enough to still ride in a stroller but big enough to walk part of the zoo.
The kid had an unholy obsession with polar bears that we could not explain. He loved them and the zoo had 2 of them. It was all he could talk about on the ride there. He didn't care about the giraffes or the monkeys, nope just the po' bears mama. He was adament about it.
Okey dokey. Polar Bears it is then.
So we park, we pay to get into the zoo, we consult the map on the quickest route to the Po' Bears and we're off. Thankfully we had convinced the kid that it would be faster if he rode in the stroller.
Well as you can imagine nice day = everyone and their 10 closest friends were at the zoo so there was a hhuuuggeeee crowd at the polar bear enclosure. We're talking 100-150 people easily. But not to fret, dad is somewhat tall so he put the kid on his shoulders and they stood on the large wooden box around one of the trees. You know, the huge planter boxes.
Problem solved, the kid could see.
Now from where I'm standing I can't see the polar bear in the pool but there is one sitting high up on the rocks, slouching, back legs straight out, scratching his stomache. Picture Homer Simpson on the couch crossed with Al Bundy.
Well at this exact moment, the kid sees him too only he yells (YELLS!) 'Mama, the po' bear's scratchin' his wee wee!'
Me in a hushed tone and beet red because 100 people are now looking at us: No he's not, he's scratching his stomache.
Him - (if it's at all possible) louder than before: 'No, mama he's scratchin' his wee wee!
Problem solved, the kid could see.
Now from where I'm standing I can't see the polar bear in the pool but there is one sitting high up on the rocks, slouching, back legs straight out, scratching his stomache. Picture Homer Simpson on the couch crossed with Al Bundy.
Well at this exact moment, the kid sees him too only he yells (YELLS!) 'Mama, the po' bear's scratchin' his wee wee!'
Me in a hushed tone and beet red because 100 people are now looking at us: No he's not, he's scratching his stomache.
Him - (if it's at all possible) louder than before: 'No, mama he's scratchin' his wee wee!
Ok time to go! We couldn't get to the giraffes fast enough. Thank god they don't have paws.
4 comments:
hahahahhaa. i just laughed so hard my coworkers probably think i'm crazy. how funny!!
Jill: Doesn't he just make you want to have 10 of your own!!
So cute!!!
Hahahaha!!! I bet you wished for a moment that you hadn't yet taught him the name of that particular part of the anatomy.
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